So how does it feel? I don't know yet. It will take a bit of time to gain perspective. Even this morning I heard my subconscious go through its daily routine with the reminders, suggestions and concerns related to Pelican. But this time my conscious mind shouted, "No, no more, it is no longer my responsibility!"
I will take a break from blogging. For now, the lurkers wondering what I am up to will have to email me! I also wanted to say thank you for the many emails I have received from readers over the course of my trip. For those of whom that this blog and my trip have inspired, hearing from them and knowing this has inspired me.
I have my life back, but what will I do now? There is the dread of ending up like so many - moving sideways in a functioning but mediocre existence wondering if this is really all there is or if maybe there should be more to one's life.
It had been getting harder and harder to keep the dream alive towards the end. I know now, more than ever, that there aren't any exotic destinations out there. Out of the hundreds of spots where I dropped the hook, I can honestly say that only ONE place was truly exotic! So many of the countless blogs written by others out sailing make it sound like most cruising destinations are "other worldly". They are lying to you. Or, as I have found to be more true, they are lying to themselves... The world has gone to crap and if anything is relatively untouched it is being worked on at an accelerating rate. Who would want to admit this? Especially after all the effort it takes into actually making it out there. Most go cruising because they have the money. They are buying the experience. There isn't any challenge or sacrifice if that is the case... Cruising is a thoroughly self indulgent pursuit and any tendency to describe it as a "sustainable" lifestyle or "smaller footprint" is absurd. There is nothing simple about owning a boat. It will take all your free time, the little money you do have and the maintenance and upkeep are a losing battle that is not possible to win. There is no rational reason to voluntarily enter into this world and if you insist on one to quiet all the doubt and disturbing questions then you will never leave. The dream is always more attractive than the reality and if you do make it out there, you will quickly find out how much love you really have...
If I think now of the biggest achievement as a result of the time I spent with Pelican, it is that after nearly seven years and over 50,000 miles, the dream is still intact. The cynicism hasn't won. At times it had been pretty close. I'd been brought to the point a few times where I thought it wasn't worth it anymore but I always found the drive to keep going. I know too, that you cannot fake this. It has only been two days and already a new part of my subconscious is forming. What sort of boat do I get next?
We will see you out there.
Had to indulge in a bit of sentimentality. Forgive me! Music by William Tyler. "Cadillac Desert"
